Court

A year ago we were going to court on April 27th to fight for Lilly. When I think back and remember that week I am flooded with so many emotions. I remember just a few days before court we had just put Lilly to bed and I started to weep uncontrollably. David helped me outside because we didn't want her to hear what I can only describe as my heart breaking. David and I spent hours on the porch that night, crying talking and praying. I don't remember everything that was said, but I do remember David telling me that God had given us Lilly to protect because He knew we would fight for her. David then asked if Lilly was able to protect herself yet, the answer was no, then he simply said then we are not done. We need to fight. That settled my heart enough to carry me through the next few days.
Our attorney told us our case was a long shot and that the probability of us winning was slim, but we felt God telling us to fight, believe and stand. She asked us what we would gain by fighting, David said simply the more time we have with Lilly the more we can love and protect her.

The morning of the 27th came and its easy to remember every detail. My in-laws came to the house that morning to watch Lilly. We wanted her to have a fun day and not be affected by the emotions we were all feeling. We knew that we were in battle and ready or not, the day had arrived. Since the war began we had been asking people to pray with us and for us. There is so much to be said about the power of prayer and the power of agreement. Our church family rose up and stood with us and held us up. They are an amazing family. They had faith when mine seemed shaken. Our pastor was the only one allowed to come with us the day of court, and it was so comforting to have him there. As we walked in, I saw one of our church family members just driving around the courthouse, she said if she couldn't be inside she would just drive around outside and pray. That little hand wave as we saw her when we walked in, helped me have the strength to keep going. As we made that walk in, I know deep inside both of us all we really wanted to do was to run home, grab our baby girl and flee.

We met up with our attorney, social worker, our birthmom and her counselor. Once court was in session we were sworn in and informed that the proceedings would be closed and we would wait until in the hall until we were called. The wait began. Tensions were high and felt by all. As court began all we could do was have faith and try to keep each other calm. It was difficult to "keep my calm" and appear I had it all together when all I could think about was a sweet little baby at home. During the next 3-4 hours we sat, we paced and we took a million deep breaths although I never felt like I could catch my breath. The court took a lunch break and found out the same person was on the stand the whole time. Our attorney spoke few words to us as she wisked away our birthmom to help prepare her for the stand. We were told that the morning session was not going well for our side. David and I came home during the lunch break. I grabbed Lilly as soon as I walked in and I think I rocked her the whole time. All I could think was how I didn't want this little baby to go anywhere. I fought tears and I think the tears won. Lunch was over so quickly and we had to drive back. We didn't say much the whole drive we just held hands and fought more tears. As we walked back into the courthouse, we prepared for another long afternoon of testimony. We quickly found out that our attorney was talking to their attorney. What felt like forever was really only a hour or so. Our attorney walked down the hall and rushed us into a little room. There we sat face to face with the opposing side. Our attorney started the conversion out with words I will always remember ..."Rebecca and David everything you have hoped and prayed for is about to come true." Then we hear from him that he is going to sign the termination papers and that Lilly will be ours. After another tense 30 minutes, the judge agreed and it was done. We walked from the court house in shock. Complete shock! We got in the car and quickly called our Pastor, I think I yelled We Won! He signed the papers and we won! A few more phone calls later and David and I were home. I ran as fast as my little short legs would carry me I  opened the door and screamed...."We Won! We won! Its over we won!"

As I look back at this time I am still amazed and flooded with so much emotion. We had a miracle. God had given us Lilly and she was in our arms to stay. Our attorney called the next day and said she couldn't explain what happed. She said our side looked like we would lose that day and she has no explanation but she witnessed a miracle. Our birthmom said it best when she said the reason we won was simply because we had more Jesus people on our side than they did. To know every detail of our journey with Lilly and to know how God performed is simply a miracle. One day I will share everything but for today, I simply say, We Won! Our God performed His miracle and gave us our daughter. Was it easy? No! Did I feel like I had no more faith to pray? Yes! Did I give up? No! Do I understand it all? No! Would I do it all again? In a second! We have the best of God right here in our arms. We have been given our dream, our miracle our Lilly. No one can say God doesn't or can't move mountains, our mountain was crumbled and We Won!

Visit #9

We went for a visit in September with our birthmom. We drove to where she lives, it was myself, Lilly and her Mamaw and Papaw. We went to a Children's Museum and to lunch. It was a great day! It's amazing to see how much Lilly loves her and how much she loves Lilly! We played at the museum for a few hours. There was this great place for babies under 3 to play and crawl around so Lilly had a blast! There was so much to see and do and experience. This was the second time that she has seen Lilly since she was born. It's hard to explain or put into words the love bond that they have. Lilly was instantly comfortable with her and she was with Lilly. We had lunch and then back to her home for a few minutes. As we drove back to our hotel I couldn't help but feel sad and greatful at the same time. I was hoping that this visit was helpful to her in her journey and greatful that Lilly was with us in our journey.

The birth (#8)

The week before the scheduled delivery date, David and I drove down and spent a day with our birthmom. We went to lunch and to an arcade. We had a great time! We also sat down and worked out a birth plan for delivery day. What she wanted and what we would like. It was great to get everything down and set up. We were to drive down the day before and wait to get a call or text to come to the hospital the day she was born.
A few days later a got a call from our birthmom saying the father was going to sign his surrender paperwork at the hospital the day she was born. We were so excited!

We drove down to Zachary, Louisiana the day before the scheduled delivery of Lilly. It was a Wednesday night. The maternity home counselor helped arrange for us to stay with a family that graciously let us stay in their guest home. It was beautiful!  They had stocked the refrigerator and cabinets with every type of drink, food and snacks you can imagine. They even made a breakfast casserole for us. It was amazing! We were so honored and blessed to have such abetter wonderful place to call home for the next 4 days.

We didn't sleep at all that night. As a control freak its hard to not be in control! We woke up and paced and paced. Every time my phone rang or beeped I wondered if that was the call. I finally had to ask my friend to ask people to stop calling because I could only handle so much. (Let me tell you now I am sorry if I offended any of you during that time) We finally got the call around 10:00 that we could go and see them. The baby was born healthy and was 8 pounds 13 ounces 20 1/2 inches long. We raced to the hospital.

As soon as we got there we met the nurses and were introduced to the hospital staff. They were very gracious to us and were getting a room prepared for us so we could spend some along time with the baby. Then the long walk into her hospital room, when I say that felt like it took 2 hours but was only a few feet it's an understatement. :-)

We walked in and there she was in the bassinet laying next to our beautiful birthmom. I remember saying she's beautiful!  She told me to pick her up and I cautiously did. I sat down and held her and we talked a little about the surgery. Our birthmom began to hurt and needed to rest so after a few minutes she asked us to leave and take the baby to the nursery.
We walked out pushing her down the hall when a nurse asked if we wanted more time. The room they were going to put us in wasn't ready so.she found a small side room we could use. David and I just held her quietly and touched her face and prayed over her. I told her how much we loves her and how her papaw would take her fishing and how Mamaw would teach her to sew how she shared her Aunt Donna's birthday and she had cousins and aunts and uncles and Pastors that loved her. We wept over her. I didn't want to leave that place. I didn't want to leave her.
I received a text that the birthfather was close and that we would need to go down to meet him. We kissed her and took her to the nurses.

We waited for 6 hours for the birth father to meet us. He showed up, saw the baby and left. We didn't know that day, but he never meant to sign his rights away that day. We finally got a text from him saying he wanted a DNA test and if he was the father he would consider us as the adoptive couple. So we had hope!

The Ultrasound (#7)

Our birthmom was kind enough to let me come with her to a doctor appointment and another ultrasound was set up. Her doctor knew that she was choosing adoption and he was in full support. On December 29th I drove down to Zachary, La and met her at the doctors office. This was the second time that we would meet. I don't think anyone can prepare you for the stress you go thru during these meetings. Honestly I can't even imagine the stress she was under. There are 2 woman who really don't know each other at all both in love with a baby they haven't met and both want the best for her, even if its not you. She had given us her verbal word that she chose us, but she had 3 days after the baby would be born to really decide. Which just weighs on you, but God! I have learned that there are these but God moments in life when everything else fails or is hectic...but God steps in and gives you his peace and strength. As we sat in the waiting room we started to talk about nothing, but in that nothing we found ourselves laughing and a true calmness of spirit came over me. Once she was called back the doctor did his measurements and ordered blood work and then sent us on to ultrasound.

Once we were in the room, the doctor had said he was going to do the ultrasound. He came in dimmed the lights and on the big screen tv in front of me was the most beautiful image! I heard her heartbeat and as I tried to keep my composure tears fell down my face. Her heart beat was simply amazing!  Her brain, her leg bones, her little tiny fingers! Wow! We could not get any face shots because she was already moved down in the birth canal. We got to see her practice breathing....amazing!! 

After her appt we went to dinner and talked more. She had said that her mom would like her to choose a different family other than us. I sat there trying not to "freak out" but stay calm and talk through it with her. She said that she showed her mom our profile book and that she had given us her word and to change her mind would just be mean. I held on to that statement!
We talked about her family, God and a little bit of everything. We talked about my infertility and the miscarriages that we had and how long we had been on adoption waiting lists. I didnt tell her any of it for sympathy or for her to feel sorry for us to give us her baby. We were just talking about struggles in life.

I drove her back to the maternity home she invited me in. It was a large beautiful home. I met one of the sets of house parents. She took me to her room and offered to give me another ultrasound picture from a previous one that she had. It was her profile and it was.beautiful!  I was so grateful to be allowed to attend this appointment with her and to meet the doctor that would be taking care of both of them.

This was one of those things that I really wanted to be a part of and God made it happen. I was to pay for the extra ultrasound but he didn't charge me. (See but God)!

The Phone Call 12/15/11 (#5)

My phone rang, I noticied the number was from a 225 area code. When I answered, I heard a voice, "Mrs. Rebecca it's (birth mom), I have one more question for you. Would you and David be the mom and dad for my daughter?" I said, "of course we will...thank you, thank you, thank you. Wow.... really? Wow...thank you! Do you need anything?" and she replied, "No they take good care of me here and I work and I am ok." I couldn't believe my ears, she wanted to give her daughter to us and didn't want anything in return. She just knew she wanted a loving family for her child.

I hung up the phone, ran inside and started to jump up and down on the bed screaming we get to be a mommy and daddy, we get to be a mommy and daddy. At that the phone rang again, this time it was our social worker... her first words were, What are you doing? All I could say was the truth, jumping on the bed!

She told me that the birth mom had called her once she made her decision and wanted to call us and personally tell us, which I am so glad that she did.

She's Wants to Meet Us! (#4)

It had been just 2 weeks since we sent in our profile book, and she asked to meet us! We had NEVER been this far before. I was at work when I got the phone call and I think I ran over and told everyone I could while I was trying to remain calm on the phone with Ashley our social worker.

We were to set up a day and time with her counsleor, Allison. We set up our time and found a restuarant in Natchez to meet at. David took the day off, and we started our drive down. I was so nervous and scared and every thought imaginable was running through my head. Will she like me? Does she care we are a little older? What if I don't look like a mother, what if I don't say the right thing, what if I didn't wear the right thing. One can read all of those internal questions and say wow you didn't have faith, but I did have faith. I understood that importance of this meeting. This woman was going to deciede in the first few minutes if she could trust us and like us enough to give us her daughter.

David said he wasn't going to stress until we got to Sicley Island, which is 30 minutes away. I started the day she asked to meet us! David and I arrived early so we could find the place and get our table. I picked a resturant that had a view of the Mississippi River. The view was awesome! We walked into the restuarant and as David and I stood picking out a table for at least five minutes, she shoud sit here becaue the view is calming and we want her to feel comfortable. Well we should sit surrounding her, no I should sit beside her and Allison on the other side. The poor waitress just looked confused. We just wanted it to be perfect. David and I finally agreed and sat down. As we looked out the window at the river, we both reached for our phones and snapped a picture of the view. David looked at me and said we will need this picture for our book later to show her where we met her mom at. That statment calmed me and gave me peace.
Every car that drove by, our hearts skipped a beat. We didnt know what they drove or what they looked like so with each passing second it got harder and harder to breath. Then they pulled up. They walked in and we greeted each other and went to sit down. We started our converstation with a little bit of history about David and I. She had some questions for us, what was our schools like, where is our house located and what about our extended family. We answered every question and the converstation flowed well. Thank God that Allison was there to help facilitate the whole thing, becuase during times of quiet, she would ask questions that she knew the birth mother wanted to know. Some of her wants were an older couple that could not or did not have children, a couple involved in their church and a couple that had great family support. So I took a deep breath and said, well I am 38 and David is 35. We can not have children. We actually have had several miscarriages and went to a fertility clinic for years. We are very involved in our church, it's our family and we have excellent family support. Not only with our family, but our church family as well.

When the food was gone and we all seemed settled we set out to leave.  I grabbed Allison's hand and said Thank you so much, you did a great job facilitating! Her response was, no problem this is my first time! I was shocked!! She really did a great job! I asked for hug from the birthmom and gave her the 2 cards that David and I had writted her. They got in the car and drove away.

David and I walked over to the river to talk and breath for a minute. We both felt like the meeting could have not gone any better. That we were a perfect match and that we felt good about it. We reflected on a few things that she said during the meeting. Things like, "I know that I will place my baby for adoption, I just don't know who yet." "I went to a clinic and watched an abortion video, I wouldn't do that to my dog. They should make everyone watch that video" We knew that God was with us during the meeting and we knew it was in his hands. We got in the car and drove home. To say that we were exhaused is an under statment. We could barely make it home. The stress from the meeting was taking it's toll on us. I knew people were texting me which was wonderful but I was so tired I didn't feel like I could even speak. We got home and crashed! About an hour after being home, the phone rang.

Birth Day (#6)

She will be born today, at actually any minute. Our birth mom is scheduled for a c-section and had to be at the hospital 2 hours ago, so actually she may be here already. Wow! As much as I want to share our past journey, I had to start this blog with where I am at today. So yes this will be out of order, but deal with it because today she will be born! I can't breath!!! I slept very little last night. Not only am I excited, but it's so hard to not be in control, not at the hospital pacing the floors. Instead, I am pacing the floors here and blogging! The peace of God shall rule and reign in my heart and mind today! Today my life will forever be changed!